post 1: is the internet a "real place"?

aka the internet being a third secret place that exists in our brain.

ps.: take all these posts with a grain of salt. these are all ramblings from a very stupid weird person online.

cw: unreality?

so. as you can see i'm obviously a lain fan. i was reading this blog analysing lain, and was thinking about how the internet nowadays is kind of an actual space within the minds of many young people.

in lain, there's this place called the wired. i'll let the blog explain it better than i ever could:

"A consensual hallucination (as in William Gibson's description of the Matrix in Neuromancer). We all agree (more or less) to share (more or less) the hallucination that is the Wired. Meaning, how much each person agrees to hallucinate the Wired will vary, and furthermore, each person's hallucination will vary (more or less) from the statistical average "consensus Wired."

now, i've noticed that within the younger generation, the internet is an actual place. it is somewhere where a part of our identities and or persona exist within, a place where you can be either free as you want to be or extremely confined to your ideas of what people would want you to be.

the internet is what we call a virtual "third place". that is, a place where you socialize and interact with others. how much of that is real and present in your mind depends on how chronically online, and honestly how much you grew up with the internet i think.

now what do we make of that? what do we make of this third place, that exists and doesn't exist at once, just 1s and 0s in front of you that create something real inside your mind?

i dont think its that different from reality. what we see is what our brain makes us see, anyway. our interpersonal relationships are extremely important to us, but whether we form them online or not doesn't really matter to our mind and our hearts. is the distinction between reality and the virtual space we made for ourselves, so vast after all?

i think you just can't be so chronically online you're completely detached from real life... but also, having a community and socializing on the internet can help a lot during these lonely times.

after the pandemic, i feel like the effect only got stronger. i wonder what else will change with time, on how we view the internet.

anyways, just some thoughts i've been having... hopefully this makes sense? sorry to start off like this, buttt in compensation the other entries i've written already are pretty silly?

i should be studying but i'm writing this blog. silayyy

post 2: talking about ocs and shit

so i'm quite bad at making OCS. i don't know how to write. i don't even really know how to draw or do anything i just wing it every time. but! i'm cringe and i'm free so i'm gonna talk about my silly ocs for a bit.

i mostly make OCS for DND. thought these two that i'm gonna show here were not played and are just kind of living in my brain now. i have a general vibe and story that i'm thinking about for them... but i'm not sure exactly what i'm gonna do, ngl.

Nova Mirimm

she's a DND oc i made for my girlfriend's campaign that i ended up playing just once unfortunately. she's lowkey a critical role self insert (we were playing a critical role campaign, lol) but she kinda just stayed in my brain after i played and then turned kinda morally grey with time lmfao

she's a dunamancy wizard drow. i typed her as ENTP 7w8 because i enjoy typing my OCS to help with their personality... if this means anything to you sorry if its contradictory somehow.

very serious when in command, she's the one of the head wizards who works under the bright queen. adopted into a prestigious drow family, a kryn dinasty den, she's destined to be reborn under the light of the luxon, going through consecution.

nepotism baby. but everyone in the kryn dynasty is tbf. pretty low rank at first but trying to riseeee up. used to recruit people into the kryn army earlier in her military carreer, mostly focusing on working with magic and dunamancy agaisnt the empire now tho.

with friends, she's mostly playful and conspiratory. can be kind of a manipulative dick to people she thinks 'deserve it'. likes to mess with people. she cares inside, though.

kinda doomed bro #stopbeinginsane ur literally gonna suffer a terrible fate or whatevers

her characther is kinda just existing in my mind right now ... she wouldn't really make sense if i were to write her genuinely only if i could actually play her in a campaign i think i could get into her brain fr. but for now she's just gonna run around in my brain and be fun to draw and be kinda a mary sue or something!

Lyra Shadowsong

i made her because i like firbolg and i like deer and i wanted to make a deer firbolg.

grave domain cleric = worships raven queen. INFJ 2w1.

originally from wildemount, she went to xhorhas to escape her weird ass protective family. ended up making the way up in society by just being a really good cleric and also niceys to everyone. working with nova with her research, since extending life span is something she's also interested in. (working with the luxon and dunamancy involves time shit)

mostly shy but very astute and empathetic/sympathetic. can read people easily, but doesn't really know how to read her own emotions. friendly but is very defensive when it comes to her personal life.

very afraid of death but at the same time very fascinated by it. wants to work on life expansion / better quality of life improvements using magic basically.

kind of dependent on other people but pretty lonely at the same time.

she also runs around in my brain and is there chilling. maybe one day i will do something with them or actually write them well... who nose. go my yuri

oh yeah UTDR

post 3: talking about my current hyperfix, deltarune and undertale, mostly fandom projects

after watching the 10th anniversary stream, i think i've been kinda in my feelings about UTDR. it's crazy that its been in my life like. for most of it. i used to make shitty comic dubs as a kid... good times, i think.

i think UTDR truly is the fandom where i'm mostly like i'm cringe but i'm free. i've realized like... in the end... being cringe isnt the end of the world. lol. like thats just part of myself, people can either like it or not.

anyway! actually this blog post is gonna be about fandom projects for UTDR fandom and some other cool things i've found online (i'll update this with time, i think... probably.

random UTDR fan stuff i enjoy, without organization sorrrryyy:

my current favorite AU has to be underfell. i was never really in the AU scene when i first got into UT, but i think being free of the cringe feelings has made me appreciate it a lot more. it's a lot of fun!

another fun one is coffin spam au i think. i really enjoy horror or tragic AUS so this is right up my alley tbh tbh

there's this really cool and creative kriselle snowgrave fangame which made my brain light up like a christmas tree because its the exact kind of thing i enjoy lmfao. really recommend it.

image_friend shimeji look at him please the fucki

fairly recent addition as of today (28/09/2025), this really interesting ramb arg that has its own game. it's really cool and also on neocities soooo hell yeah

this person makes deltarune themed cursors and they're really well animated and cool

there's a tenna dating sim being made we are so fucking back honestly.

sick deltarune sites:

that's all for now. i'll add more later i think. if you like utdr pls become my friend ok bye!

disorganized shit

just sharing a bunch of thoughts on my favorite things hooray yayayayay

hello! before getting into it, wow, it's 2026! this year went by so fast for me... doesn't really feel like it happened at all. things are a bit rough right now but i believe in a better future :)

but last year i did notice the very obvious theme and pattern in some of my favorite characthers and media, so i thought i'd talk about it here just for the shits.

i will say i will just ramble and just say whatever so please dont take this as a serious analysis and more of me just ranting and having fun lol

subject: identity

from the amount of lain on my page you could've guessed this. i've already kind of talked about this on my first blog post but i love the subject of identity and who the 'true you' is

it's been a constant in my life on who exactly i am (as i fear it is for like the majority of the population) but it truly is something i like thinking about a lot. i have some favorite characthers specifically that i love on how the writer protrays their issues with identity

warning: spoilers for serial experiments lain, umineko, and deltarune

lain iwakura, obviously

i dont think theres anything i can say here that hasnt been said about lain lmfao. might i just suggest again the blog from the first post?

i will say her later struggles with relating to people, and specially that scene of her watching her 'other her' going with alice and her friends really stuck with me

perhaps lain is a more tragic take on this theme. she commits a sort of suicide by erasing herself from the collective subconscious. but there's still some kindness that the older alice shows her at the end... maybe it isn't all so bad in the end...

lain's identity issues are fascinating. you could read lain as an 'inhuman' characther, a god like being created by protocol 7 who doesn't really know how to be human

but in the end she chooses humanity over joining everyone in the wired. i enjoy how having alice with her reminded her of what it was like to be human, and to be loved and to love. her struggles with identity and humanity can have a nice closure because of her friendship and love with alice, i think

though it is tragic in the end, i dont think its pessimistic per say. the game on the other hand is even more depressing though depending on the ending lol

beatrice umineko

WARNING! UMINEKO SPOILERS PLEASE READ UMINEKO RAUUGHHHH AAAAA SCREAMS

i just recently finished umineko in the year of our lord 2026 (took like 4 months) and wow ok it was actually peak. i did doubt at the times but i cried like a baby at the end. 10/10 even though it has its issues it had. love. haha.

i think beatrice might be one of my favorite characthers in anything ever. episode 7 was a weirdly accurate portrayal of someone with an identity disorder (at least in my experience)

there multiple different layers to beatrice. sayo's different personalities she shifts into because of her trauma and life experiences (beatrice, kannon, you could argue her shannon personality is also an idealized persona)

there also also meta textual layers to her personality. when we learn that sayo wrote some of the message bottles that we see in questions arc, the charactherization of shannon, kannon and beatrice (her alternate personalities) shows as also a way for her to discover or express herself

another layer that we can look at in that context is the perception of beatrice. she is seen by many different lenses throughout the story, and through those perceptions we can learn more about her and also in how some of those idealizations/demonizations of her can affect her story and characther

i could literally talk about this forever and ever but im not going to since again people have said it better than me before but. god i love her shes awesome. dont even get me started on kuwadorian beatrice or i will cry

kris dreemurr

talking about kris's identity, remember when people thought they were evil post chapter 1 release and they were gonna kill people or something because knife. good times

while we're talking about meta identity issues moments, one of my favorite things deltarune does is expand upon the whole player/playable characther relationship

it's interesting to look at glimpses of kris's (kris'? idk man) actual personality that isnt influenced by the player when they arent being controlled, specially after chapter 4

'who really is kris' is something i think about a lot. they're a traumatized kid trying to do something to remedy their past. they're a mean prankster. they really love their friends. but all of that is hidden from the player at first, while we slowly learn more the more we progress

snowgrave route is something thats gonna really shine a light in their past i fear. i'm very excited for chapter 5 teehee

i wonder if 'are kris's friends really friends with them? with the real kris?' gonna be explored? i assume yes since its leading up to it, but i wonder how its gonna play out

deltarune tomorrow

i have more to say probably later but i'll keep that for another post i think. i could talk about it forever tbf

honorable mentions: mima perfect blue, Kangel/ame, ushiromiya battler lmfao , NBC hannibal (the whole show), and so many more its hard to say

persona 5 protag technically fits this discussion (identity issues wise) but i ranted about it for too long